Good riddance to 2011, come one over 2012

Well 2011 is over, or will be in an hour and a half and good riddance, it’s been a smelly ol year! 2012 is going to be sooooo much better! Whether it likes it or not!

I’m getting the business off the ground and I’ll have my surgery later in the year which should give me back proper mobility. I’m really getting into my yoga and I’ve just signed up for unlimited classes in Jan at yogafever, and I’m about to email them about the new years workshop series. I’m getting into my herbal medicine and got big plans for that. And of course I have my wonderful boy and two little buns. This year will be a good one......touch wood!

As for resolutions, I don’t do the whole giving stuff up thing, instead I will be doing at least one new thing every week this year. Some weeks it will be big stuff others I might just cook a new recipe, but it’ll be fun! And fun is what the world needs more of!

Anyone else want to join me? Anyone else got any new year’s resolutions? 

I wish

Realised haven’t posted in a while, been busy with the jewellery making and for the most part its been going well. Got started on enamelling which is amazing fun.  Spent Thurs and Fri at the kiln and Sat then at a craft fair and I think I just pushed myself too far, have to manage to pace myself better. Best of intentions and all! Should have gone to Yoga today but wow it’s miserable out!

Thinking a lot about the long term future and really not sure whats going to happen and I’m a planner so thats driving me nuts, I wish I had even a round about date for the surgery on my back, it’s gonna put me out of action for a while and I want to know when. I wish I knew why I’ve got all this and could therefore avoid getting any worse! I wish a lot of things and that doubled with the extra pain today really does not make for a happy cheery person. I feel sorry for the boy! I’m gonna try find something funny to read online!

Busy bee! Herbs, Cooking, Bench time :)

Well I’ve been at my bench pretty much all day, quite proud of myself that I had the discipline to stay there with no real deadline hanging over my head. I had been worried that once I stopped teaching and I had “lots of” time, I would end up being really slow in what I got done. But I did good today, when I stopped for a rest it was because my back needed it, I did my stretches and I’m feeling pretty sore now but I think I’ll go have a bath to make the ache go away.

I finished teaching last week, but a million other things happened and I did have to go in Monday and tues last week so this is my first real week unemployed. I’ve planned out some exercise for Tues wed and thurs so we can see if I can start to make things really better, and I have a doctor’s appointment on Thursday with my GP. See if she can give me some answers about the surgery and that as well get my blood pressure etc checked. I have a feeling the amitriptiline has lowered my blood pressure and I just want it checked.

I had my herbal medicine class on sat which was fab and I now plan this week on trying to make a chilli ointment to see if that helps with my neck, heat generally helps and it’s very awkward to keep a hot water bottle up on my neck all the time, so going to give ointment a go. Really really enjoying the class, and actually enjoyed doing the homework so going to try spend some time over the next few weeks reading up on herbs in some of the million books I picked up over the years. Just from doing my homework I have decided I should eat more Coriander and Tumeric and that my aloe vera plant is amazing, and I really want to attempt to sauté nettles! I’m also hooked on nettle tea at the mo, maybe my body is trying to cleanse itself.

We had lots of people over on sat night, was really good to see people and be social, but a lot of work! Too many people with too many allergies/preferences etc at one time, but I think everyone got fed in the end and we’ve been eating the leftovers since. I had sushi for breakfast yesterday and apple crumble for brunch today! Still doing the dishes too! Our sink is blocked a bit I think and it takes ages for the water to go down, so we have to wash a sink full and leave it for an hour or so to go down before the next one, of course once you’ve gone off to do something you tend to forget to come back, so I think probably about 3 sinks left to go!

My neck was in serious pain by the end of sat, so I took it very easy yesterday and both of us had a day of nothing! I spent ages online talking to people in etsy forums and reading and we played age of the empires cause we’re big kids and we watched some true blood, which I just can’t get fast enough! Got another one to watch tonight J

Hope everyone is well!

I'm a teacher no more!

Well I’m finished, I’m no longer a teacher, I have one last role to fill with a parents evening tomorrow but otherwise I’m done. Part of me is just relieved, I wasn’t able and it was sucking the life out of me, I can now recoup, do the exercise I’m meant to and build up my business. But there is another huge chunk of me that is sad, I spent a long time training to be a teacher, I put in a lot of work last year prepping notes thinking ah well they’ll stand to me afterwards and now that’s gone. On the other hand I don’t need to worry about appearances so much anymore, my hair has been died uber red again now and my hippy skirt and big snow boots were worn all weekend, I can be me again.

I do of course still need to live, so I need to get my ass in gear with the business, I have myself a giant to do list and I’m trying to tick off stuff, but no one seems  to be answering their bloody phone and folksy is being very very slow to upload listings! But we’ll get there!

I’m on the mail list for this company yoga fever and very interested in some of their offers, thinking I’ll go for the £25 for unlimited yoga in December and if I manage to use it I may try scrounge the money together for January, also thinking about the course of workshops in the new year. The fitter I can get the better! But for now back to my phone calls.

The new drugs don't work, they don't make it worse, but I know I'll see the doc again.

Well these new drugs are not cutting it at all! Had really bad neck pain the last two days and I’m not impressed! Did push myself a little too hard at my work bench but I had a deadline to get hallmarking sent off! It looks like I may be finishing in school next week. So I will no longer be a teacher does that mean I can tell people I’m a jeweller? Cause that would be pretty fab.

I’ve done a little research into this disc replacement surgery and it’s a pretty new thing, although given my age it does look like the other option of spinal fusion (which my doc didn’t suggest this is just what I read online) would be a very very stupid idea.

It’s a long ol recovery time though! A full week in hospital and then about 6 weeks recovery after that, so pretty much 2 months of my life I’m looking at loosing and that’s if everything goes ok! My brain has been plotting what could I do other then watch TV in that time, and I’m thinking writing is really the only productive thing. I can have lots of stock of jewellery ready to go as well so that I can keep the shop open, but anyway it’s ages away yet and I have to have tests to find out if it’s a goer. The idea that at least my mobility issues can be fixed though is very exciting!

 I’m going to give these new drugs a week and if they don’t work talk to my doc about going back on the old ones, what was I thinking saying that the sleepiness was worse than the pain! Rubbish!  

Spinal Surgery eeek!

Well the doctors appointment lived up to my expectations and crushed me!

He wants to operate and replace the disc that’s giving me hassle in my lower back. Currently it’s the biggest problem, my neck pain is mostly controllable (says she lying down with a hot water bottle propped behind her neck after popping a load of painkillers) and I get the impression nothing he can really do about that. But when he saw the MRI scan (which is at this stage 6 months old) and given that recently I’ve been having trouble with stairs and things like putting on my socks so it seems to be getting worse, he suggested this disc replacement surgery, he said there is no amount of drugs or exercise which can make it better. So I think I have to go for it! It’s a while off anyway, all these things take time, waiting lists etc, it’s not life threatening so doesn’t count as urgent which is fair enough, I’m scared enough of the whole thing to not really be in a rush!  A few tests and stuff to be done beforehand as well.

The thing that has me really freaked out is the idea that he’s going in through my tummy! I have a mental image of some movie I saw where I think it was a Vampire that pushed his hand through someone’s stomach grabbed their spine and snapped! I know that’s not what’s going to happen the boy even spent a while last night poking my stomach to illustrate how that’s not even possible, but the mental image won’t go away.

I also started this new tablet pregabalin on Sunday night which has been throwing my sense of balance out of whack, I went to bed Monday night with the spinnys and woke up with them still, yay! If it lasts the week I’m gonna go talk to the doc, I was only a little dizzy last night! Fingers crossed!

Bailed on Yoga and will be bailing on Tai Chi I think, I was too tired and wanted a day in with no people and just the boy and bunnies. Really stressed at the mo, and I never classed myself as someone who gets stressed! Need a break and some happy time!

Consultant tomorrow, gulp!

Well I have an appointment with the consultant in the morning, only met him once before and that was in March I think so I have lots of questions and I don't know if he will have any of the answers. I'm a happy smiley person today, my back is sore but I feel like the yoga is helping, realised I can now staighten my leg out up in the air while I'm lying on my back, a few weeks ago I couldn't because my hamstrings were so tight so yay my body is adjusting!

I'm hoping I'm still feeling happy after I see him, I have to go into work straight after so I best not be in bits!

Tai Chi and Yoga crazy Sarah.

Having myself a fab night! The boy is away and I’m treating myself, had a lovely chat to my mam, and later to my dad, drank yummy hot chocolate, soaked in the bath and gave myself a facial and scrubbed with a nice salt, oil, and honey mixture. It was so what I needed and I feel great! Gotten to do a little bit of work this evening but just what I felt like J

I was at the doc again yesterday, I had a strange pain in my side I was worried about, it turned out to be a pulled muscle, just a muscle I didn’t know I could pull! One of my intercostals ie between my ribs! How did I manage that! Doc said nothing to worry about just do stretches etc and he gave me a new pain tablet so I’m hoping that will help with the zombie Sarah that I’ve been lately, can’t remember what it’s called haven’t looked it up properly yet; I’m really very chilled this evening J

Got some books today which I’m really happy about, the first The Chinese Art of T'ai Chi Ch'uan is about Tai Chi and how to do it, has pictures and is very detailed, I’m really liking the class so I thought I’d swat up. The other The Tao of Long Life is all about being healthy in terms of nutrition etc as far as Taoism is concerned, haven’t started that one yet but looking forward to it.

Also munching on my graze box, loving them! You should check it out, get your first one for free with this code LKVLM5Z http://www.graze.com/

I’m really finding the Tai Chi helpful for the pain and for my mental health to be honest, the yoga too. Hoping to go to more of the hot yoga classes in yogafever, maybe some workshops too, I think I’ll aim to go to one a week or fortnight for Nov/Dec and then get the months pass in January and really go for it, I want to ease myself in, but not take too long! I am still doing my current yoga class on Wednesdays anyway and some at home. I’m optimistic tonight that I can get on top of this! Got to hold on to this feeling!

Some interesting videos and blogs

I’m in a funny ol mood today, I had a lovely morning, it’s my day off so I got up a little later than normal and I sat around with the bunnies writing my morning pages before I went to yoga class. The yoga class was nice, the people are really really friendly, even though I’ve only met them a few times it feels like they are really genuine people and really care, which is lovely! The class isn’t too harsh but stretches my stiff body  A LOT. I got frustrated today though, thinking about how much more I used to be able to do a few years ago compared with now and how this class which 2 years ago I would have classed as boring is going to leave me wrecked for most of the day. I nearly fell asleep in relaxation time, actually woke up when I felt myself start snoring. This stupid pain condition is ruling my life and I don’t know if knowing it is not in my head has made it worse or if it would have just gotten worse, but I’m really despairing at the moment.

One of the main things that is getting me is having to explain the issue to others, I look healthy and capable so people presume I can sit in a chair for an hour or I can lift a box, and I can’t or I can but I will be crying with the pain by the end of the day. But of course every time I explain to someone, they either get it and then the sympathy is horrible to see, or they think I’m a drama queen and I want to hit them over the head! There really is no winning for people! Poor Conan stuck living with me!

I have spent a bit of today looking online at some blogs etc that I subscribed to but never really get a proper chance to read through, and this one is definitely worth a look.

Also I would love if people could watch this video, I’m not saying that I feel like someone has a blowtorch on my back if you touch me, but I am tender, and it helped me to possibly understand why when a friend hugs me sometimes it really really hurts.

So tired!

I’ve been very bad with this the last while, really disappearing into a ball of stress lately, and I’m trying not to but easier said than done. Still in work and it’s taking all my energy, the whole no energy things is really getting frustrating, I know my tablets are making the pain less but I thought I’d get used to them and get my energy back but It doesn’t seem to be getting better, not sure which is worse the pain or the tiredness to be honest!

I have an appointment with the consultant next week I hope I get something useful out of him, some answers some idea of long term what this whole rubbish means!

On a positive side I went to a yoga workshop on Sunday, it was a more spiritual type of yoga, lots of chanting and being silly, and meditation. I really enjoyed it, want to find out more to be honest, but that’s just another thing to be doing! I haven’t even gotten to do my Herbal Medicine homework that was due 2 weeks ago! I need more energy!

Oh well day off tomorrow, yoga in the morning, tai chi in the evening and hopefully some silver work in the middle! I’m ready for bed now. Night night.

Back to school tomorrow

I can’t believe it’s the end of midterm, I think I’m avoiding bed even though I’m wrecked just because I don’t want to wake up and go back! I’m so tired all the time and sore, and trying to care about a job I already handed in my notice for is just too hard. I’m also really annoyed that the million things I wanted to do over midterm didn’t get done, lots of other stuff got in the way.

Amongst them I’m now signed up for the exercise referral scheme which I have to go to this week but I don’t know when because I think I have a job but I’m hoping I don’t!

I’ll try do a proper post tomorrow. I think nanowrimo is going to have to be skipped too many millions of things to do, and I really really wanted to do it! But I need to get to my bench more often, and all the exercise I’m trying to do is taking up a lot of my time.

Lots and lots of exercise!

I’m continuing on with the yoga, got a bit more free time this week on account of midterm so I’ve just gone to my first hot yoga class ever oh my I’ve never sweated that much I didn’t know I had that much sweat in me! My lower back definitely feels better though, but I’m fairly knackered, it’s 8pm so that’s ok, but don’t think I’d be able for morning class! I may go again on Wed eve depending on how I feel tomorrow really and I’m going to a workshop on Sunday morning which deals a little with the philosophy of yoga which I’m very curious about. Luckily I have a nice friend that’s going with me so we can make each other do it J No whimping out! Especially on Sunday morning!

I have in general been feeling a little better the last week or so, the exercise is helping and I have been a little less stressed on account of midterm. I think I can manage my pain if I get to plan my own day, so I just have to hope I can start selling a decent amount of jewellery to live on the profit. Fingers crossed!

The bunnies have been in fantastic mood the last few days so that’s cheered me up too!

Oh and Footloose the new movie is great fun, as is Crazy Stupid Love and Real Steel, it was a bit of a cinema weekend J Midnight in Paris tomorrow I think although usually blah about Woody Allen!

Yay finally just managed to pop my ears!

A giant whopper of a ray of sunshine

Well my back is a hell of a lot better today courtesy of my wonderful new yoga teacher! She got me doing some back bends I’ve never seen before and it got rid of my neck pain, for a good few hours, it’s back now and I’m a little cautious of trying it myself not warmed up or anything, but I have Tai Chi in an hour anyway and that usually helps. My lower back is still a little sore and stiff but better then it was.

The kinda gardening has also continued on today, I bought a sprouter instead of making one, cause I’m lazy and the seeds are all set to go, and the water cress is already sprouted a few mm in 24hours! Which is well cool! Bunnies will be eating it in no time! Looking forward to watching my sprouts and then figuring out how to eat them, suggestions welcome, I have mung bean, alfala (which I can not pronounce or spell in the slightest) sunflower, and mustard seeds. It’s doing my stress levels wonders too!

Took today pretty easy, after yoga came home went to the veg shop and the health shop this really nice little co op near us which is where I got the sprouter as well as some amazing apple bread! Yum! And then been reading stuff on etsy most of the day, should have made stuff but I’m really trying to figure out how to sell stuff, it’s getting closer and closer to it being my main source of income and I now have 50 items listed and more ready to list, so I gotta get sales going!

Anywho my back feels much better, a 2 hour yoga class and one particular stretch did me far more good then all the drugs and giant needles the doctors have filled me with, says a lot about modern medicine! Gotta get me into a yoga filled routine! I think I’m gonna go all new agey! ...well more so, bring on hippy Sarah!

Day off work

I didn’t go into work today, I really wasn’t up to it and I’m still not 100% I am a little better though, I spent a chunk of today relaxing and it felt great! I read my book, I planted seeds and transplanted some plants that had gotten too big for their pots. My kitchen is covered in plants now, see the pics on my other blog.

I also went and got some snow boots, my feet feel the cold no end come the winter and I was miserable last winter so I bit the bullet and got decent boots,  they’re kinda cute so they’ll be fine with a skirt albeit a kinda quirky look and they fit under my jeans fine. So yay warm feet this winter! They also fit my insoles which I now seem to have enough shoes to fit that I can wear them pretty much the whole time.

The de-stress day definitely helped my back, but the walk to pottery class and back didn’t so I’m quite tired and sore again, so an earlyish night for me now, I’m up bright and early for yoga class at ten and I have Tai Chi tomorrow evening so hopefully one or other will make me feel a bit better and I can get back to work on Thursday. I also feel a sore throat brewing so shall be garlic-ing it up tomorrow!

On a good note, the bunnies have been in great spirits the last few days, we’ve let them into our bedroom to run riot and I have to get a video of the lunatics to post up here. They really help cheer me up no end!

What lives under my bed!

Stupid lower back!

Well I did something to my lower back last night, not a clue what! And now I’m fecked! I went into work today thinking that if I didn’t I’d just end up sitting round all day feeling sorry for myself and seize up worse. But I was in bits and I was eaten alive by the kids! So I got home more than a little upset and annoyed at the world and rang my consultant’s secretary to find out what the hell is happening! I now have an appointment for Nov 7^th

I’m fairly relieved but I’m still very very sore, I’m having trouble walking and that’s new. Conan is gone out to a science evening in the museum that looked really good, but I whimped out, I’m too sore and tired, I feel lousey now that I didn’t go especially since he’s on his own and doesn’t know anyone there which he thought he would. He also ran into someone that I kinda know in a teaching capacity who it turns out he was talking to and also has osteoarthritis, I really should have gone. This sucks! I’m too young for this crap! I think I’ll curl up with a book, I told my boss I might not be in tomorrow depending how bad I am, they still haven’t got any decent applications for my job L

Funny ol day and mood

Much less stressed today! Still very tired but I got to veg on the sofa most of the day, albeit while doing important stuff, yay buying TV licence etc! Did get a lot of businessy stuff done and got the kiln fired, as well as lots of cleaning done. Finding it harder and harder to get the cleaning done, I seem to be able to do stuff but for a limited time, and then I reach a point where if I bend over I’m not 100% sure I’ll get back up L But for the most part my back hasn’t been too bad today and I’ve been putting things in motion for my business actually taking off.

I am a little bummed though after I talked to someone today, someone close to me, and yet again had the conversation where I have to convince them that no it’s not going to all be magically all better in a few weeks/months/years and that I do actually just have to find a way to deal with the pain. Other people being in denial about it should just wake up and cop on, because I want to just move on and deal with it, not have to spend my time explaining why my life is f%^&*d!

I feel a little like I’m battling against the fact that it’s an invisible illness. If I tell people, I feel like I’m moaning or whingeing, but if I don’t I find myself being asked to do stuff or lift stuff that I can’t really do, and when I have to say no I can’t do that, I feel like sometimes people just think it’s an excuse or me being lazy. Especially when it’s something I can physically do, at the moment, but I know that in an hour it will have me in so much pain I’ll have to go lie down for the rest of the day.

Hmm that post was a lot less happy go lucky then I’d intended!

Sad day

I’m having a bad day today, I know I have lots to do, and I’m getting stressed about how much I have to do and avoiding doing anything, I know it’s completely counterproductive but I can’t seem to make myself do anything, I’m sure at least some of it is PMS, but mostly I’m just very very frustrated with life! It feels like I don’t get to control any of it and I’m waiting for other people to do stuff all the time. The current pressing need is to get some lesson planning done, and I can’t do it, I feel like crying when I think of it, I’m sore, I’m tired, and I’m cranky (I’ll admit it) and I don’t know the subject myself, I don’t understand it and I don’t have the ability to learn it at the moment. But my job hasn’t even been advertised yet, so I’m going to have to teach it, and I’m going to have to do it tomorrow. And I don’t know if I can!

I’ve wondered if maybe I should try and go talk to someone see if I can get myself in a better place mentally to deal with the pain, but aside from the how would I pay question, there is also the fact that I don’t think it would help. It doesn’t seem to be going away, all the pills do is mask it a little and turn me into a zombie.

I need to get out of the apt and do something to distract myself and cheer me up, supposed to be going to the cinema this eve, but by the time I get home I’ll prob be too tired and it’ll be too late to get the work done. I feel trapped!

It's exercise time!

Well I’ve thrown myself into exercise this week, I think it’s probably the best way I have of dealing with the pain and making sure it doesn’t get worse, of course I may have done a little too much at once! And now I’m done for!

I started Tai Chi on Wed, which was really really interesting, I think it’s going to do a lot for my posture and for my stress, and I know my pain is worse when I’m stressed, I’m also quite interested in reading up about it and finding out about chi etc.

I started Yoga on Thurs, I’ve done yoga before, gone to multiple teachers and I like a fairly fast class since Ashtanga is the type I originally did. This class was pretty awful, she teaches a really slow type of yoga with no flow, also she didn’t really seem to teach us the basics, not so important for me since I’ve done it before, but quite important for the newbie’s. I pulled my lower back and it’s been pretty sore since! I’m gonna go back to her next week probably but if still don’t like her I’m finding another class!

Friday I didn’t plan anything, I was really sore from the exercise and the walk to the train station and back was probably enough, I passed out around 8 on the sofa and then curled up in bed with my book.

Saturday I went to my first ever Zumba class, my friends gym had an open day, fantastic fun! But oh god it was about 20mins too long! My legs were not having any of it by half way through I just couldn’t get them to move! Went for a nice dip in the pool (we didn’t bother to swim just floated and chatted) Jacuzzi and steam room, I felt pretty good leaving the gym! Need to join one, just for the pool and the steam room, heat seems to help my back pain, I always feel much better after a steam, not so much the sauna. Unfortunatly that one is really nice but it’s too far away, I’d never walk up and no point in having to get a bus to the gym. Ended up spending sat eve running around Canton playing an interactive game everwake http://www.everwakethegame.co.uk/ Which was good fun.

So I’m dead today! My legs thighs etc are in bits from Zumba, my feet are literally in bits from running in not runners around canton and my back is still really quite sore from Yoga, when I bend over I’m not sure I can get back up! So called in sick for work tomorrow, I’ve got work ready to email in for the kids and they already have my sick note from the doc. I handed in my written letter of resignation on Friday, and I hope they don’t take too long to find someone, I really can’t deal with the work load and the stress of not doing the job properly and feeling bad for the kids! I’m still zombiefied from the tablets too! The exercise is helping, but I could sleep all day if I let myself!

Happenings

Well the pills are helping a little bit, but not cutting it, and I did make it back to work yesterday rather than have a mountain of work pile up. But I did talk to my boss today to tell him I’m not really coping, between the pain, the zombie effect of the tablets and the stress of trying to get my Physics up to scratch and get notes for a course I’ve no real experience of, it’s doing me in! So he’s gonna put out feelers and see what he can do. I have tomorrow off anyway and another doctor’s appointment. So will try get something together for Thurs, I’m not gonna leave him in the lurch with no teacher if I can help it, they’ve been very decent to me so far.

I am going to spend some time on my jewellery tomorrow though, because it looks like it’s going to be what we’re living on shortly enough! Fingers crossed it takes off people!

Herbalists, Life Coaches and Laughter Yoga.

The pain has been pretty fricking bad this weekend, and I’m at the end of my tether! Went to the first of my classes in Herbal Medicine yesterday which was pretty good and he suggested Celery seeds too. I then walked/stood around town for about an hour, max 2 hours and I came home on the verge of tears and lay down with my hot water bottle on the floor. I had an early night, read a book for a while and slept through 13 hours! These new tablets have me wrecked! Got up today went to the Cardiff natural health show which was just 5 min walk away in the search for more ideas. Went to 3 workshops, unfortunately had missed the most of the morning, the life coach Julie Britton was very good, although her reviews on youtube are harsh http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oq-dxz_ohyI but I found the whole thing quite good kinda like a group counselling session. The “Naturopath” was a lot of rubbish, and the laughter yoga was one of the most random things I’ve ever done, I was quite out of my comfort zone with that one! A few interesting stalls, I shall be trying meditation next sat but there was an awful lot of pseudo science that I’m just a little too informed to buy into! And the few healers I talked to didn’t seem to know what to do with someone who has a real definite problem.

I got home planning to lesson plan and attempt to go back  to work tomorrow, but the pain in my neck had taken over again and cue sobbing mess feeling sorry for myself. I’ve somewhat pulled myself together, gotten a little planning done, nowhere near as much as I should but I can’t concentrate on it, so taking a break and hoping it helps, not told work I’m gonna try come in tomorrow cause honestly I don’t know if I’ll be able, so I’ll see how I feel in the morning and try make it in. I feel like if I don’t get back soon, I never will.  

The bunnies are running around the room like absolute loopers!

Gotta be proactive!

Well I’m off sick from work for a few days at the least, hoping the new pain killers kick in, it’s been very hard going lately, hard to concentrate and not able to do any prep when I got home, not really an issue with the GCSE classes, I know the stuff I did the notes up last year they just needed tweeking a little, but the Upper sixth classes have really been rough, I can’t concentrate with the pain and I’m getting confused over stuff I know, and sitting down to write up notes is a nightmare. So I’m off sick, still having to send in cover work though so I’m not sure how much easier it is. I’m not happy to have called in sick, so far in however many years with the pain I’ve never actually missed work because of it, I’ve kinda just muddled on, sure I missed work for docs visits etc but not due to the actual pain. That’s depressing me, cause I don’t think I’ve suddenly become a whimp, I think it means it’s just gotten that much worse.

The doc has put me on new tablets, Amitriptyline, it’s an anti depressant which in small doses works as a painkiller, ...I looked it up to make sure the doc wasn’t fibbing and just thought I needed a pick up. I’m not allowed drink and the main side effect seems to be makes you sleepy, on the plus side I slept like the dead last night on the down side I’m fairly wrecked today. Fingers crossed it wprls, I have another appointment on Wed.

I’ve decided to be as proactive as I can be, so I’m going to do gentle exercise today and tomorrow and I have physio tomorrow gonna dig for ideas and then probably join the gym up the road, which is close enough I have no excuse and has a deal on for 6 weeks so can join and see if I use it, and it has sauna and steam room which I think may do me as much good as the pool. I’m gonna try to eat well as well, I’m wearing copper jewellery, even round the house, drinking my celery seeds and I start a Herbal medicine course in Cardiff Uni on Sat and shall be getting all the advice and suggestions off the teacher I can!

In other news we have a friend from Ireland visiting, Conan is just gone to pick him up, the apt is not as clean as I’d like and that’s really really annoying me! But I’m just not able!

Proactive! I can do it! Need to get the pain under control!

Suggestions welcome!

Well just been to the docs, and I’m coming off one set of tablets to try another, see if this does anything about the pain. It's been getting worse not better and the injections don't seem to have done anything, although apparently could still work. Fingers crossed.

I’m also currently wearing an unsealed copper ring and about to drink some celery seeds, and then prob some flax seeds and if anyone has any other suggestions please send them this way!

Physio this evening so hopefully she’ll make me feel a little better.

Too many drugs

The pain has been pretty bad this week, hence the fact that I have a hot water bottle at my back at the mo. It’s getting me down a fair bit, I know the doc only put me on panadol last week but I swear I’m completely out of it since. I can’t seem to finish a thought and I’m half way through an explanation or a story to a class and I blank. Friday was difficult. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Not just in work that I’m out of it, made several really stupid mistakes with my jewellery making tonight, sent stuff flying across the room cut things too small etc, and then had to give up cause my back was too sore. Very very much sick of this! Another doc appointment on Wed, hopefully she’s heard something from my consultant. Tempted to bring my hot water bottle to school tomorrow but would feel a bit like a freak! It’s bad enough that if someone comes into the lab they might spot me lying on the bench and doing my stretches which look like I’m thrusting at the ceiling!  

Tummy not great either, don't think it's liking all the pills I'm feeding it.

Pick me up, shake me, and I'll rattle!

Well so far those shots have not worked, in fact I’ve been sorer this week then I have been in a long time. In all likelihood that has to do with the fact that I’m in work all day, over the summer I could lie down or do my stretches or get my hot water bottle when I was sore. But you can’t exactly tell a class full of kids hang on Miss needs to go lie down for 5 mins on the floor. So I’ve been coming home in a fair bit of pain.

With this in mind I went to the doctor today to ask for help, it wasn’t my normal GP she’s on hols but the one I got was very nice too, she’s given me prescription for 100 paracetamol, 8 a day. I know it’s only panadol, but that brings me up to 11 tablets a day! Not including any vitamins that I think I should probably be trying! Also got a suggestion from someone today (thank you) to try celery seeds, so going to give them a go, and I’m starting to wear unsealed copper, it turns me green but I’m told it will stop doing that and it might help with the pain! I’ll give anything a go at the mo!

Have an appointment for the doc again next wed and she is trying to get in touch with the consultant to see what’s happening there, fingers crossed!

Facet Joint Injections

So last Thursday I had my facet joint injections in my neck, I think its cortisone they injected me with. The idea is to reduce the pain in my joints from inflammation. http://www.royalfree.nhs.uk/pip_admin/docs/facet_joint_injections_111.pdf  .....I didn’t get any sedative!

It hurt like hell, it was really, really, awful I cried like a little girl, and cursed like a sailor and felt like such a fool as they wheeled me back to the ward still sobbing. Especially after I’d seen all these other people say it was a little sore when they arrived back on the ward before it was my turn. Felt a little better when I saw the other woman who was having her neck done, she was just as bad. Apparently your neck is the most painful place, so I think they purposely left us till the end so as not to scare anyone else! I was told not to shower for 48 hours, to which I replied “but I’ve work tomorrow” and the doc said “eh no you don’t”. So I had to ring my new boss and get off Friday, mostly due to the risk that I could just black out at any stage for the next 48hours. All Friday I was fairly out of it and sore and battered so just as well wasn’t working.

By Saturday I felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to my neck and pounded as hard as they could. But on Saturday afternoon I noticed the normal pain was gone. The relief was amazing, so strange to not hurt that I broke down crying (it seems to be my thing at the moment). An hour or so later the pain came back and it’s been there since, Today is a particularly bad day, I always have good and bad days, I’m on the verge of tears (again) and I just don’t know what to do, I’m going to go have a bath and hope the water helps, I need these injections to work, they still could, I need it! I’m so worn out!

My story so far

I’m a 28 year old with osteoarthritis and I’m starting up this blog to discuss my condition and how I deal with chronic pain. Hopefully this will help me deal and get all my problems out and hopefully if there is anyone else out there fighting to figure out what’s wrong, or trying to deal with chronic pain, maybe I can help them a little and maybe they can help me some.  

Right so, lets start from the start, I hear its a very good place to start....

In 2006 I moved to South Korea for a year TEFL teaching I’d just finished college and I didn’t really know what to be doing with myself. Pretty soon after I arrived my back pain that had been steadily getting worse over the last few years of college got much much worse. I put it down to a rubbish bed and sitting on the floor all the time, fortunately my Dad had taken out a good health insurance policy for me and I was covered to go to a Chiropractor, so I did that for the year I was there. He told me my posture was awful and that I needed to stand up straight, he would make the pain go away for a day or two sometimes and make it worse other times, but it never helped for very long.

I only stayed there for a year, and when I got back to Ireland, I hoped with a decent bed (I had been sleeping on 3 mattresses on top of each other) and sitting in chairs that it would get better, it didn’t. So I tried another Chiropractor, he made matters worse, he had a strange bed that the middle would fall out of and jolt your back and my entire lower back ended up swollen! He suggested ice packs and I would have them strapped to me in work; at the time I was working in a cinema so on my feet a lot, and sweeping and cleaning so relatively manual work. I didn’t go back to him and at this stage given how long this had been going on I decided to go to my GP, he found some tenderness and sent me for X-ray and blood test, both of which showed nothing, he suggested an acupuncturist, again put it down to stress and posture, telling me to sit/stand up straight, not listening when I told them that was physically painful and exhausting.

I had some success with acupuncture; well with the second person I tried, I also had cupping and massage and by back was disgusting looking for weeks, I was given all sorts of tiny pills and heat was recommended this time, so cold packs were replaced with hot packs. It did get a little better, but it was expensive, I finished the course recommended, and the effects lasted about 6 months by which time I had moved up to Dublin and I couldn’t afford to go back, especially if it wasn’t going to last.

The issue got worse again, I tried Physio, he hooked me up to some machines walked away and charged me €60 or so for the privilege. I had a physical therapist suggested to me, so I tried him, again with the stress and the posture and what was supposed to be a few visits turning into once a week or fortnight for about 6 months, until I pretty much ran out of money again and realised that I left him feeling good but by the time I got home I was in bits again, the exercises he gave me helped a little but not hugely. He did mention I had flat feet but only in passing. At the time I was working in an office with a well paying job, sound boss, nice people and they did everything they could to help, I got a decent chair and back rests, a head set for the phone, I was allowed to just get up and walk around. Even still over the 10 months or so I was there I spent hours in the bathroom crying my eyes out from the pain. I had Tiger balm, bio freeze ibuprofen etc, you named it I tried it but No luck. I decided I couldn’t do an office job, and I hate that my back decided that for me, don’t get me wrong I don’t particularly like office life, the lights, the air conditioning, etc but it sucks to not have the option.  

In August 2009 I moved to North Wales with my boyfriend, I started a teacher training course, within a week I was in hospital after he tickled me (seriously) and I put my back out! Difene tablets for a week or so, I could hardly move. I got myself a new GP and I went to her about it, at this stage I had been trying to do something for about 4 years to no avail, she told me “what do you expect me to do that your last doctor couldn’t?” fantastic bloody attitude. I tried an osteopath, she was lovely she tried but then told me there was nothing she could do for me. I had a year of hot water bottles and baths, coming home from school and having to lie down for an hour because it hurt too much to do anything.

I went back to Ireland for a few weeks the next summer and put my back out again, could barely get out of bed, difene again. I tried a physio that specialises in feet and she gave me insoles for my shoes said that I was very flat footed and my pelvis rolled inwards, maybe this was the cause of the pain. I could only fit the insoles in 2 pairs of shoes both too casual for work, so they got worn sometimes but not for long, I tried shoe shopping and would just get frustrated. When I came back to Wales we moved to Cardiff, things were getting really bad at this stage, I couldn’t go to a film in the cinema without being in serious pain by halfway through, I was bailing on nights out, I went to friends houses with my hot water bottle in hand.

Finally I lucked out! My new GP (Dr Morgan) is amazing! NHS rules meant she had to send me for an X-Ray and blood tests again, they came back fine and I got put on an MRI waiting list. The MRI finally showed something up. I have osteophytes in my neck, from what I can gather this is tiny little spurs of extra bone and they are pressing on my nerves, hence the pain. I also have a disc bulging in my lower back, which causes some pain but more of a dull constant rather than the sharp pain from my neck. The NHS has been amazing, I’ve gotten physio, I go once every 2 weeks or so, I’ve gotten good painkillers, pick me up, shake and I rattle, I’ve gotten insoles made from the podiatrist and these ones actually fit in some shoes, and I’ve just had facet joint injections in my neck which will hopefully help. Although wow it hurt!

I’m still having to deal obviously, I have a hot water bottle at my back as I type and my computer is all set up in a way that allows me to sit here, and I just can’t hold any one position for very long. But I know I’m not crazy! When I found out in March what was wrong, I was relieved! To know that I wasn’t just moaning was such a relief, to be actually able to say this is the problem, now how do I deal with it. Of course I was bummed to find out there was no easy answer and that I’m stuck with it for life. There is lots of things I still don’t know, I’m on a million waiting lists for doctors and physios and I have lots of questions, but I’m not crazy and I’m sticking to that! That’s my silver lining!