Sad day

I’m having a bad day today, I know I have lots to do, and I’m getting stressed about how much I have to do and avoiding doing anything, I know it’s completely counterproductive but I can’t seem to make myself do anything, I’m sure at least some of it is PMS, but mostly I’m just very very frustrated with life! It feels like I don’t get to control any of it and I’m waiting for other people to do stuff all the time. The current pressing need is to get some lesson planning done, and I can’t do it, I feel like crying when I think of it, I’m sore, I’m tired, and I’m cranky (I’ll admit it) and I don’t know the subject myself, I don’t understand it and I don’t have the ability to learn it at the moment. But my job hasn’t even been advertised yet, so I’m going to have to teach it, and I’m going to have to do it tomorrow. And I don’t know if I can!

I’ve wondered if maybe I should try and go talk to someone see if I can get myself in a better place mentally to deal with the pain, but aside from the how would I pay question, there is also the fact that I don’t think it would help. It doesn’t seem to be going away, all the pills do is mask it a little and turn me into a zombie.

I need to get out of the apt and do something to distract myself and cheer me up, supposed to be going to the cinema this eve, but by the time I get home I’ll prob be too tired and it’ll be too late to get the work done. I feel trapped!